Learning to Retire

Five months ago, I retired. I quickly grew to dread the questions "How's retirement?" "What are you doing with your time?" "Any big plans?" It was life. I was living it. I was struggling to allow myself time to do nothing and I was beginning to think this just wasn't my style. I missed my built-in social interactions; I missed responsibility; I missed solving problems. It took me about four months before I stopped having work dreams and could actually pinpoint how my life was changing. One of the things I realized I missed about not working was having a structure that required me to get up early, exercise, plan my creative time, etc. I thought of the saying, "An unlimited choice is no choice at all." That's how retirement felt to me.

It was harder than I thought it would be to make the transition from having to accomplish something in order to feel good about the day to accepting days where absolutely nothing was accomplished. I am learning that my to-do list doesn't have to have a time element. I started writing down goals for the month to help me focus without making me feel guilty about not being busy all the time. I stopped looking at the clock. I began to enjoy having to think about what day it was.

Another thing I hadn't counted on was the energy needed to maintain friendships. When I worked, I had built-in social interactions and although most of the people at work weren't what I called "good friends," there was enough sharing and laughing at work that I didn't give the significance to friendships that I should have. I'm more mindful now of the importance of good friends and more mindful of making plans. Standard walking dates, connecting for coffee and drinks, these have become much more important to me.

Immediately after retiring, I sometimes thought I wasn't really ready to quit working and I looked at the classifieds for "interesting" part-time jobs, gave thought to volunteer options, anything to fill my days and structure my time. It wasn't long though, before having the ability to take an unexpected trip or to start a project with no regard to time became much more appealing than any kind of a part-time job. In time, I may want a job again, but not now.

Several years ago, I had a blog called MonkeyMind. I never had many followers, but I posted over 300 entries about my life and for whatever reason, it gave me satisfaction to take the time to reflect, to think, to write. Blogging for me is similar to a meditative practice. I'm not really sure why I stopped, but I'm ready to begin again. In more ways than one.